Sharpen your emotional edge.

Welcome to this week's edition of "The EQ Edge." As the Tokyo summer intensifies, we find solace in retreating to the cooler mountains and lakes, or at home under the full force of the air conditioning. In moments like these, I find myself yearning for those who are experiencing the refreshing chill of a cooler climate. And, fittingly, this week's emotion in the spotlight is ENVY. Enjoy!

 Emotion Spotlight

ENVY

“Envy can be a positive motivator. Let it inspire you to work harder for what you want." - Robert Bringle

What do you desire for yourself? An abundance of resources? Recognition? Fulfilling relationships? Robust health? If you're unsure, perhaps it's time to consult a seldom welcomed but insightful advisor - Envy. It may surprise you, but envy has a key role to play: it keeps us tethered to the social structures and material support vital to our survival and growth.

I used to feel guilty about envy and its cousin jealousy*, but once I understood that these emotions were revealing my innermost desires - it transformed the way I connected with them. Now, when I catch myself experiencing envy, I ask: "Is this something I want for myself? Do these desires align with my values, and will fulfilling them shape me into the person I aspire to be?"

Continual comparison with others can become a toxic habit if we always perceive the grass to be greener elsewhere. However, a healthy dose of self-reflection can channel envy into a motivating force for personal growth!

*Envy is a reaction to lacking something another person possesses and desires, while jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (or someone) we have.

Understanding ENVY

Definition: Envy is triggered by the perception of lacking something that someone else possesses, whether it's a material possession, a relationship, a skill, or an opportunity. It arises to help you aspire for more, to enhance your current situation, and to yearn for fairness concerning resources and acknowledgment.

Message: "I embrace my ambitions, aim for greater heights, and advocate for equal opportunities!"

Feeling: Envy may physically manifest as a tightness in the chest or stomach, increased heart rate, a flushed face, restlessness, bodily tension, and nervous behaviors such as fidgeting. You know it's envy when you experience a longing or discontent stirred by someone else's possessions, achievements, or advantages, wishing they were your own. 

Intensity Spectrum: Longing<Envy<Resentment

ENVY in Leadership

As a leader, acknowledging and managing your feelings of envy can serve as a guide for personal improvement, inspiring you to attain the skills or resources you desire. This process of self-improvement can have a positive ripple effect, cultivating an ambitious team environment. On the contrary, ignoring envy will make it challenging for you to voice your needs effectively, possibly leading you to undermining or undervaluing others' accomplishments, which will negatively impact your team’s morale.

Useful when:

1. Seeking inspiration for professional development.
2. Guiding your career advancement.
3. Looking for strategies to improve team performance.
4. Sparking innovation from competitors' offerings.

Not useful when: 

1. Leading to personal conflicts with colleagues.
2. Driving unethical behaviors like idea theft or sabotage.
3. Creating an overly competitive and stressful work environment.
4. Negatively affecting self-esteem and job satisfaction.

💡Self-reflection is key here: "Am I envious because I genuinely want to improve, or am I simply comparing myself with others?"

Communication & Navigation Tips: 

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: "I recognize I'm feeling envious of Sasha's presentation skills. This is an area I want to improve on."
• Redirect Your Energy: "Instead of dwelling on this envy, I'll use it as motivation to enhance my own skills."
• Request Feedback or Help: "Maya, I admire your ability to manage projects so efficiently. Could you share some tips or strategies with me?"
• Self-Affirmation: "I may not be as proficient as Mike in data analysis, but I have my strengths in project management and team-building."

💡When detecting envy within your team, it's vital to cultivate a culture of appreciation. Encourage team members to acknowledge each other's skills and successes, underlining how these diverse strengths fortify the team. Promote skill-sharing to leverage individual talents, and consistently recognize personal efforts. To mitigate any envy-induced gossip or tension, ensure your team understands that everyone's success contributes to the team's overall triumph.

🌟 Weekly Exercise:

When you feel a tinge of envy this week, take a moment to analyze why you feel that way. Discern whether you’re responding to fairness in social exchanges and check in with your self-regard and self-worth. What does this feeling tell you about your aspirations? Do you have healthy and appropriate access to resources and recognition? Does everyone else in the situation? How can you use this information to better yourself or your situation? 

In short, envy, when channeled appropriately, can be a powerful motivator, pushing us towards our goals and ambitions.

And lastly a gentle reminder: every emotion offers insights, and it's up to us to leverage them effectively. Stay cool!

Until next week,

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